The work I do requires me to live in the moment, be present, and take care with the materials, tools, and myself. Recently, I’ve found myself living in the past, being distracted, and struggling to take care. Today was especially difficult.
I spent most of today trying to make progress on a piece of jewelry, but I just couldn’t focus. It’s not good and it hurts. After wasting my time trying to wire wrap, I picked up the piece of jewelry and took a photo of it. Next to it, I noticed a picture that I took over the weekend while on a hike. I’d taken a picture of a dead, twisted tree. That distorted, broken tree spoke to me. It was a cloudy day, windy with a little precipitation, gray. The weather and tree matched what I was feeling.
I’ve been struggling with something that happened recently. I’d felt the brunt of it. I got too close to someone’s emotional vortex and got pulled in. It was stronger than me. I’ve experienced this before and the hurt lingers still. It’s something that comes suddenly, wreaks havoc on me, and then slowly dissipates. After it leaves, I feel gnarled, fuzzy, and heavy. I had gotten used to it before. I don’t think it’s OK, not anymore.
Now, I look at the handmade chain I created out of the tiny beads and ever-so-careful wire wraps. I also see that twisted, dead tree against the backdrop of the mountain. I realize that I can straighten this out for myself. I can gain perspective on it. And allow it to flow through me. It’s not me, not mine. It’s different, now.
My work is to live in the moment, be present, and take care with the materials, tools, and myself. That’s what I do.